As a formerly-self-conscious person, I don’t want to make this sound as an easy peasy lemon squeezy life lesson or anything like that, believe me, I am the sort of person who can’t fall sleep before every major decision in their life, especially when it may affect others: ending a relationship, moving countries, the first time quitting a job…
In each one of these situations my mind always wondered whether I was making the biggest mistake of my life, and yet I always pushed myself to go through all those experiences, trusting the voice inside my head that said everything’s gonna be alright.
I am sure most of us have felt this way at some point or other, but I believe many of us don’t realise that we might actually be living a fearful life that is hindering our personal –as well as professional– growth. We are constantly haunted by the fear of offending a colleague or a friend, of hurting a relative or a lover, of disappointing a parent or a teacher; or by the fear of not fitting in, of not being the prettiest, the thinnest, the funniest… I have already talked about the incredibly unrealistic standards we are subjected to in modern society, particularly women, but this post got me rather thinking about how we face our fears (call it insecurities or whatever you prefer) and how we can overcome them.
I’d say the key is starting with baby steps. Following the proverbial Do one thing every day that scares you has worked so far for me, allowing me to push my limits ever so slightly every day. It may not look like a great progress in the beginning, but little by little your boundaries will get wider and wider until you are comfortable (or at least manage to) doing things you once feared. I hate driving, but this coming year I am committed to renewing my license and giving it another chance, because I cannot really expect Mr Vet to drive me around all my life and also I would like to be able to take myself to places, ya’know?
The truth is that it takes a hell of a lot of effort and practice to change this kind of mindset and if you are an introvert or a very self-conscious person, you might think trying to live boldly sounds as inviting as voluntarily stepping on a piece of Lego, and you would be on your d*mn right to think so!
However, please let me share with you a couple of things I’ve learned from overcoming my shyness after years of first/second-hand embarrassment and occasional social anxiety:
1. We tend to anticipate and magnify things in our head, but when the situation is actually happening, you realise 9 times out of 10 is not as bad as you had pictured it in your mind. If you are terrified of attending a particular social event, find a person you trust to go with you, so that you don’t have to face it alone and can feel supported.
2. Being bold sets you free from fear. Accepting the real fact that we cannot be liked by everyone should help us get rid of the constant fear of being judged by others and from the anguish of upsetting people with our actions or opinions. Developing a bold attitude in life will allow you to (respectfully) voice those opinions and trust your decisions, it being at work with colleagues or when talking to your partner or friends.
3. Bold doesn’t equal reckless, at least not in my books. Being bold means being able to take risks while knowing that yes, things can go wrong, but things can also work out perfectly and the only way to know the result is by actually taking the risk. You don’t wanna spend all your life wondering “what if…?”
4. Confidence is contagious. Oftentimes I’ve found that surrounding myself with bold people has boosted my own confidence. A clear example of this is my mum, a very confident and courageous woman whom I admire most than words can describe. I usually think that if these people have managed to do something I always thought I couldn’t do, perhaps I am limiting myself unnecessarily and I am also capable of achieving these things!
The good news for me is that the older I grow, the bolder and more confident in my decisions I become. Granted there will always be monsters to fight and insecurities to overcome, but I guess that years give you the perspective to distinguish between what’s important and what’s fluff, between what you can feel self-conscious about and what you cannot give a rat’s ass about anymore.
Fashion is of course one of those things that once worried me, when I was desperately trying to fit in, but even though I now embrace all aspects of it and I’m willing to take sartorial risks, it’s not rare to find people who are so afraid of wearing something they/others consider wouldn’t suit them, just for fear of getting stares or stepping out of their comfort zone. To these people I would ask what’s the worst that could happen?
C’mon, give it a go, test your boundaries and try to push them out. Living boldly is not difficult, it just requires practice!
Peace&Love
Saida
{Fabrica de Imaginacion mustard coat – DYI here} {ZARA men’s shirt}
{GAP UK jeans – customized step hem} {H&M loafers} {Luis Wiener exclusive ring – Visit his page}
missreverie
31st December 2017 at 8:14 amSaida! Omg, I don’t know where I’ve been but I think I fell in love with you after I read this post and it’s the first blog post I’ve read ever on your blog. I can relate with you on so many points especially the DRIVING! Can you believe it? The internet is so cool when it connects us this way on something so relatable. I started driving again this year and this time, I did it all on my own. SO many places I want to go to that I know it’s impossible to bring my mom (who doesn’t share the same interests as mine and it’s okay!) or my cats! I’ve been letting go of my childhood fears and I surprised myself every single time as I found myself enjoying my solitary adventures even more. I love you wrote about this as being bold doesn’t equal reckless in my book too. I’m loving being bold! :BTW, you look so good in mustard…. <3 Nice to meet you beautiful woman 😀 x
Saida
31st December 2017 at 9:29 amGirl, thanks for stopping by and leaving such a nice and thoughtful comment. I have been trying to push myself to do all those things in recent years and I definitely feel bolder and freer. I have planned retaking driving at the beginning of the new year 🙂 I just visited your little virtual corner and it’s full of inspo on living slow, which is what I need right now! Xx
dinamighty
22nd December 2017 at 8:24 pmNice outfit!
https://dinamighty.com/
Siffat Haider
17th December 2017 at 7:16 amFirst off, I have to say that this is probably one of my favourite looks from you yet. The yellow coat is so bold and adds such a great pop of colour to an otherwise simple look. Love your words here as well. I try to follow that same proverb – it’s definitely contributed to a more fearless approach to life!
xo
Siffat
http://icingandglitter.com
Shaira Manalo
16th December 2017 at 11:41 amI like the positive vibes you shared to your readers. I love reading blog content like this one. It just motivates me to take risks and not be afraid of who I want to be. I love the coat btw 🙂
xoxo,
SHAIRA
http://www.missdream-girl.blogspot.com
Jiya
16th December 2017 at 10:58 amYour coat looks so pretty! I really love golden yellow on you 🙂
Lovely post!
rampdiary
Gemma
16th December 2017 at 10:48 amWhat a fabulously wise post! I take so much from this and agree with your wonderful outlook! And may I say… gorgeous outfit!!
Gemma
http://www.fadedwindmills.com
districtofchic1
12th December 2017 at 8:09 pmThat coat is amazing! I love the bright gold color!
District of Chic
Ashley
12th December 2017 at 5:13 pmI love this pretty mustard gold on you!
-Ashley
Le Stylo Rouge
Saida
15th December 2017 at 7:33 pmThanks so much Ashley! 🙂
Style Appetite
12th December 2017 at 2:26 pmWow that mustard yellow looks soooo amazing on you!!
Perfect color ♥
xxx
Tina
https://styleappetite.com
Monica Sors
12th December 2017 at 10:00 amLove this look!! So pretty
xx
Mónica Sors
MES VOYAGES À PARIS
NEW POST: COZY DAYS…
poseandrepeat
12th December 2017 at 5:49 amLoving this mustard colour so much, looks so fab on you!
x Rubi
Pose & Repeat
Marina W
12th December 2017 at 3:01 amwhat a great read. Growing up I was always told not to stand out and better to blend in. I struggled so much to suppress my love for fashion and self-expression. It was definitely not right.
I couldn’t agree more with everything you said. 🙂 Being bold set you free from fear!
– Marina
https://waitmarinawho.blogspot.tw/
Saida
15th December 2017 at 7:35 pmI know the feeling, and it’s normally like that for most women, but I think society is becoming more embracing on bold people and not only man are admired for that quality, don’t you think? Thanks so much for visiting Marina, I hope you come back 🙂
Short Girl Long Jacket
12th December 2017 at 12:27 amSo much yes to this post! Our thoughts are powerful things, they can hold us back or they can push us forward. And you’re right – usually once you do the thing you were scared of it ends up being a lot better than how you imagined it.
Love that yellow coat on you too!
Saida
15th December 2017 at 7:47 pmI couldn’t agree more with you Maria and I can say from my own experience that it’s hard to push our limits, but once we manage, we really feel freer! :*
Eleine Pereira
11th December 2017 at 10:32 pmYou look so cute!
http://iameleine.blogspot.com/
http://www.instagram.com/iameleineblog/
isidora
11th December 2017 at 10:16 pmi like this look a lot!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8j0SxTKmym8&t=5s
https://highheelpoodl.blogspot.rs/
Lizzie
11th December 2017 at 3:27 pmFirst & foremost! I need that coat in my life. I love your style x
Lizzie Oladunni
didieryhc
11th December 2017 at 2:36 pmOMG I used to be so self conscious too! Its only recently that I started coming out of my shell and becoming bolder!
-Didier
http://www.didieryhc.com
Saida
15th December 2017 at 8:10 pmAnd how you are blooming, babe! :*
yaramel
11th December 2017 at 12:02 pmFirstly this coat is amazing…makes me want to own anything mustard! Love your loafers too.
Great words dear. Gladly I have never been afraid of being bold, all I ever wanted to be was myself.As I grow older, I care less and less about offending people by doing things my way – it’s their own fault and sensitivity to blame and not me. It’s important to be selfish sometimes and I’ve been ok with that.
Confidence is contagious, you’re absolutely right. Most of my close friends are bold and fearless and I love them for it 🙂
http://www.desiringsme.com/how-to-achieve-dreams/
unbouquetdamour
11th December 2017 at 8:46 amI couldn’t agree more with your thoughts. I actually have recently discovered your blog, and, besides the gorgeous outfits, I totally love your meaningful writing! Keep it up!
xo Corina
http://unbouquetdamour.com/monday-favorites-back-basics-pantsuit/
stylishangelblog
11th December 2017 at 7:35 amLovely outfit dear. I simply love your coat. Great Post, I love your attitude and I totally agree with you.
Saltrock Voucher Code
Carmen Jenny
11th December 2017 at 6:35 amOh dear I love your attitude and I totally agree with you! It’s so important to love yourself and be confident of who you are. 🙂 I absolutely love your coat as well, such a great look!
xx, Carmen – http://carmitive.com
enclothedcognition
11th December 2017 at 12:39 amI love this yellow on you, darling. And I absolutely loved reading through this blog post! Definitely agree with the part regarding how surrounding yourself with bold and confident people will make you feel as so 🙂 Love this
Enclothed Cognition
izabielaa
10th December 2017 at 8:59 pmI simply love your coat!
Pozdrawiam – http://izabiela.pl/
notjessfashion1
10th December 2017 at 1:05 pmLovely outfit dear. Loving the mustard coat, really pretty against the white shirt underneath. And yes, I couldnt agree more with your points, especially about contagious confidence. It works everytime.
Jessica | notjessfashion.com
andreeabirsan92
10th December 2017 at 10:51 amOh girlie, that coat is absolutely amazing. Love the bold color and i don’t know if I saw you wearing yellow before, but it looks fab on you! Should definitely wear it more Wishing you a great weekend! xx
Andreea,
http://couturezilla.com/
Yedra
10th December 2017 at 10:31 amGreat post and lovely coat 😉
Kay
10th December 2017 at 10:27 amLovely post hun, and by the way you look gorgeous! I am loving the photos in this post. 🙂 I used to care a lot more about what people think than I do these days. I feel like the older I get, the less I care about people’s opinions, and to be honest it is very liberating!! Thank you for sharing this lovely post. 🙂 xoxo
Kay
http://shoesandglitter.com
Andrijana
10th December 2017 at 10:25 amHi ! I see that you have a fantastic blog!
I really like your design and that’s how you write 🙂
I like to be in touch with so great and inspirational blogs. That’s why I wanted ask
follow for follow?
Enjoy the weekend 🙂
https://makeupislovee.blogspot.rs/?m=1
MM
10th December 2017 at 10:13 amUn post maravilloso, el look está ideal, las fotos …
y escribir se te da de maravilla, todos somos más valientes de lo que nos imaginamos…jejeje..TQ