One of the most discussed topics over the face of the Internet, I know, but something that resonates with every person that has a body –possibly paired with a mirror–, so I thought I would put on “paper” how I have been feeling lately vis a vis my bods.
While I am of the opinion that a positive mind reflects on the whole of your persona, I cannot hide the fact that, sometimes, the same mind plays tricks on me and makes me believe I am the grossest thing alive. OK, I might be exaggerating, but it does make me obsess over the width of my thighs, the roundness of my belly or the circumference of my waist. And that obsession in turn makes me count calories when I eat, refrain from having dessert and complain about my looks at the slightest opportunity. That’s what I call a self-confidence crisis.
Not that Mr Vet goes along with any of my self-deprecation, but he has to endure the painful self-loathing phase without being able to offer me chocolate as a pacifier. Tough, I know.
I can say that now that I am an adult, I have a rather healthy relationship with my body and try not be too harsh on myself on those low moments. I mean, I have my flaws and insecurities that I usually try to laugh off because, well, there is only one Kate Moss in the world and I am not her, but the good news is that there is only one me in the world and that makes me pretty special, wouldn’t you agree? 😉
However, despite all the positive thinking that I try to incorporate in my daily life, the truth is that with the years I’ve realised that I found the physical state that makes me happy, the one I feel most comfortable in and which enables me to act with confidence in every aspect of my life. With the years I have equally noticed that every time I shift away from it –due to high stress levels, an epic world trip or a particularly bad month–, I start putting my self-confidence in doubt and making changes as to regain that “perfect” state. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t start doubting ALL my abilities as a competent human being, but on some level, I do feel like I am failing at keeping my shit together and that everybody is noticing.
All of this got me thinking: is there such a thing as a perfect physical state or is it just me preferring a skinnier version of myself over the ever-so-slightly chubbier but still v. healthy counterpart? And then comes the deeper thought: do I prefer the skinny version because I truly feel healthier and more agile or because it’s the closest I can get to the beauty standards imposed by society?
Whichever it is, I rather not dwell on this moral dilemma, but be honest with myself and the reality is that I still have a way to go before fully believing in the proverbial “you are enough”. And in this occasion, as it’s often the case when walking the arduous self-love path, it’s not a matter of external validation.
People have not even noticed those few extra pounds that seem to weight more in my head than in the real world, yet I happen to be immersed in one of those cycles right now: not entirely happy with my looks and checking them food labels more often than not.
However this time round I am trying to be smarter about it. Yes, I am exercising and eating cleaner, but I am also learning not to obsess too much about the process. I am indulging myself when I feel like it, reading inspiring books and eating ice–cream whenever Mr Vet brings home my favourite flavour (cheesecake or pistacchio, for the record). I am learning not to compare myself to other girls on the ‘gram but to visualize my goals and recognize every small victory when it comes to meeting them.
The relationship with your body is one that will last a lifetime, so we better build a respectful and loving relationship rather than a diminishing and self-loathing one, don’t you think?
And of course, I am still enjoying shooting my blog posts because a) I missed them terribly while on our trip and b) they keep on encouraging me to step out and create something beautiful, something that brings me joy and that I can share with a community of equally beautiful creatures.
Tell me how you are feeling this week, glamistas, I would love to know…
Peace & Love